Comments on: Stigma-Smashing, One by One

By: LAJ

LAJ — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 09:18:43 +0000

In just a couple paragraphs you’ve captured the essence of why stereotypes and stigmas need to be challenged and discarded. The need for acceptance for all parts of your personality, your essence, is universal; hiding aspects that others might not understand (and so deem ‘different’) must be exhausting, and as you so beautifully point out, we all need to be all of ourselves. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt, thoughtful comment Kym.

By: Kym Hamer

Kym Hamer — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 16:22:42 +0000

I have experienced bouts of depression since I was in my mid-teens – not clinical by definition but enough to disrupt life (time off school, time off work etc) – and for a long time neither myself or my family registered what ‘it’ was. After all, what did I have to be depressed about? I was a happy, successful young woman and I just needed to stop wallowing and pull myself together. It took a doctor in Melbourne that I’d never met before to identify what was going on (I cried with relief through the whole appointment) and give me the space and support to work through it.

The depression has not disappeared by any means but I can identify the symptoms and ask for help or take some practical steps much earlier. The uncertainty and challenge of moving away to create the life I wanted was scary and exhilarating and the lack of support network was one of the biggest challenges. Those I trust most have my gratitude and love for their acceptance – no, they don’t always understand but they give me the space and support I need to be all of me – not just the happy, sparkly part – unquestioningly.

By: LAJ

LAJ — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:51:33 +0000

Thanks Evelyn. Your point about finding the right treatment, in your own language, is true. A real challenge

By: Evelyn Simpson

Evelyn Simpson — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:33:37 +0000

Wonderful post about a little addressed issue. In my years as an expat, I’ve seen people struggle with mental health issues while overseas. One of the biggest challenges is finding professional help in your own language. Often people struggle along for much longer than they should because in order to obtain the right treatment they would have to repatriate which has massive consequences for the whole family. I agree 100% with what you said about schools and transition too. My experience has been that the international schools my children have attended have done more to ease transition for the children and sometimes for the adults than anything that was offered to the family by our sponsoring organization.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 07:26:27 +0000

Thanks, Linda. It’s good to hear what the school in your area is doing. And I agree, awareness is the first step!

I enjoyed hearing more about your thoughts on what companies can do to help. I hope that enough discussion and interest in these issues can build the momentum needed to move toward action.

BTW, I’m hoping to buy Julia Simens’ book soon!

By: LAJ

LAJ — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 05:25:44 +0000

First, I really enjoyed your post about an ‘unbucket list’. Life’s in the journey, not the destination. Nice blog!

Good question Heather. The first step is awareness, both on the part of incoming expats and employers. The support received from our school included a 4-day orientation program for incoming students and a 2-day program for parents, plus an ‘ambassador’ of appropriate age assigned to each. A parents’ group, supported by the school, runs a weekly program discussing topics ranging from how to handle daily errands, driving rules/licenses and so on but also twice yearly discussions facilitated by a psychologist on expat transitions, culture shock, etc. School counselors keep an eye on the students, and families are welcome/encouraged to contact the school staff if problems arise. [BTW, in Bangkok you have a great resource in Julia Simens who works at an international school and wrote Emotional Resilience & the Expat Child - a great book focusing on elementary school-aged children but of value to expats of all ages.]

Knowing what to expect is a big part of preparedness; seeing the info and hearing more established expats share their own stories of working their way through the various phases, tips and suggestions, and the importance of reaching out and making connections were invaluable. In addition, the school sponsored speakers and programs. It’s never too early to start attending these events, please do. It was through such presentations that I began doing research, reading the expat literature that’s out there (and it is) and writing about it.

As for companies/employers? It would be a big step if they would focus beyond the 2-month relocation window, make available similar information and access to such programs, and provide a knowledgeable contact person to help when/if the family experiences a rough time 6-12 months in. Then if a member doesn’t work their way through the culture shock/transition phases, the family would have an ally to assist as they approach the medical community if additional assistance is needed. It won’t happen overnight, but over time that’s what I’d like to be moving toward.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 04:37:09 +0000

Thanks for addressing these issues. I’m glad to see these discussions happening online and I hope they grow and continue.

It’s interesting to hear you’ve received support from your local international school. My children are of nursery-school-age, so I’m not as plugged in to the school community as I’d like to be. I do know there are talks and various events from time to time.

Do you see any possibility that the large multinational companies may start addressing issues of mental health for expats in the future?

By: LAJ

LAJ — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 15:36:47 +0000

You’ve brought up so many good points from perceptions of weakness or being a ‘liability’ to the challenges of finding care/treatment overseas. Your cautionary tale of the impact of a sudden, forced move is chilling. Most of us choose to experience living abroad, and most of us come through wiser, stronger and more appreciative as a result. For those who don’t have the benefit of prior knowledge or access to support, it’s important to spread the word. Thanks for doing so, too.

By: LAJ

LAJ — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 15:30:56 +0000

Thank you Aisha, I’m truly humbled that you’d add this piece to your incredible series. I’ve never been one to envy celebrities; if you choose to live in the public eye, you’ve signed up for faltering or failing publicly as well. There are lots of things people would rather not share with the world, so being brave enough to stand up and admit you’ve been/are being treated for mental illness is courageous indeed. They go a long way to helping others to understand that mental illness isn’t a personal failing, it’s a disease and one that can be treated.

By: wordgeyser

wordgeyser — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 15:18:54 +0000

I applaud any individual or organisation who takes mental issues amongst the expat community seriously. It’s something little talked about in international circles let alone acknowledged. If you haven’t experienced it within your own family, someone you will know will be struggling with issues whether you realise it or not.
Mental health covers so many areas and impacts more people than just the person who is suffering. It is often the spouse or a child of the international employee who struggles, with little help or support from their employer. Even if help is available, there is a reluctance to seek it out, to be seen as ‘weak’ or ‘not coping’. Finding help, even if you want it, can be a long and arduous business in a different culture, with different cultural expectations.
In a large international departmental move within my spouse’s company, little thought was given to the impact on families within this group, none of whom had lived outside the USA. Within 3 years 50% of the marriages had ended in divorce, with spouses and children returning home. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure the devastation that caused in so many lives.
Like Linda, the best relocation help we have ever received was through our international school
Thank you, once again, for being fearless in raising issues which can have a devastating impact on the professional and personal lives of expat families.

By: Aisha

Aisha — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 14:45:41 +0000

A well-written piece Linda and astute linking of the celebrity and expat experience. Although we often love to hate our celebs and mercilessly label them as victims of their own success, they, like the expat, are functioning in an environment where the compass bearings have been reset. It takes time to find your new direction. Some never do.
Celebrity and expat life strips you down to your basic form. There’s nothing to hide behind. Some learn how to be comfortable with this – others find it impossible and put up barriers or fall apart. Those who have never taken the risk find it easy to judge from the comfort of obscurity, but there’s no guarantee they could do any better.
Thanks for adding your voice to the growing throng of those campaigning for an end to judgement and stigma. I’ve added this post to the Breaking the Code of Silence series.
http://wp.me/P1J9Lk-Wz