It was a chance encounter yesterday on a crowded street that sent me back in time.
As I turned the corner onto our nearby shopping street affectionately known as ‘the Fred,’ I caught a snippet of conversation. The young woman was seated at one of the outside tables of a local restaurant, twirling her forefinger along the rim of her wineglass while speaking into her cell phone.
‘Char-lie…’ I heard her whine, the words dripping off the sulky pout of her lips and reaching through the phone line, landing squarely in some poor guy’s ear.
Nothing more, just his name, as by then I was already several feet past her table. But it was enough to put me in a reverie.
Suddenly I was thrust back in time, almost three years to be exact, thinking of our beloved family cat. She had been Son’s pet ever since he’d picked her out among the other strays at the pet adoption day many years before.
In spite of her female gender, then four-year-old Son had insisted on naming her Charley. They bonded immediately, and she’d slept on his bed nightly ever since.
Fast forward twelve years and we had just moved here to the Netherlands. Despite being fourteen at the time, Charley had made the tedious flight along with our dog Oli and other cat Ava, and was settling in. It was still two months before she would be struck by a fast-moving cancer and decline rapidly, dying peacefully as I stroked the soft fur on her emaciated body.
We’d arrived in late July, and a month later found me at home, in limbo. I say that because that’s precisely how it felt.
The majority of household goods were unpacked and put away; I’d found what would eventually become my beloved Albert Heijn grocery store, a small stand selling fresh fruits and vegetables, the hardware store, two cheese stores, a French patisserie, three drug stores and a number of places to buy various small household necessities.
I’d attended a three-day orientation program at my children’s international school the week before, met a few new faces, and was impatiently awaiting the start of weekly newcomer meetings to help give some shape to my schedule. I thought perhaps I’d enroll in an adult education class or two to meet new people, and was already signed up for a month-long, intensive Dutch class that wouldn’t begin for a few weeks.
We’d finally made it through the interminably long waiting period for internet and cable television connectivity, but still hadn’t cracked the code on arranging cell phone contracts.
After an intensive round of car-shopping, we’d finally finished handing in the necessary paperwork, but delivery was still six weeks off. I’d learned how to buy tickets and take the tram, bus and train, yet wasn’t quite sure where to go or with whom.
Meanwhile, the rest of the family headed off to work or school each morning, leaving me alone.
In short, my old life was gone but it felt as though I were still waiting for my new life to begin.
I was walking a tightrope, carefully placing one foot in front of the other and trying to maintain my balance, all the while fully aware that one slip and I’d hurtle to the ground.
I was rinsing off the lunch dishes, mulling over what to make for dinner and in which direction Oli and I would head off for a long midday walk when the door bell suddenly rang.
On my doorstep stood Marja, my elegant next door neighbor. A classically trained musician coming from an old Dutch family, the carefully turned out Marja carried herself with a regal air.
‘Good afternoon,’ she said in flawless English, her weak smile belying the perplexed look in her eyes. ‘Do you have a cat?’
‘Uh…yes,’ I stammered in confusion. ‘Yes, we have two cats. Why do you ask?’
‘Is one of them a small black cat?’ she continued.
Two minutes later I was standing in Marja’s entry hall while she brought Charley down the stairs. It seems that Charley had managed to crawl out of the third floor bedroom window Son had accidentally left ajar, across a rather narrow ledge and through the open window of Marja’s rijtjeshuis.
Unsure of where she was, unable to retrace her steps back out onto the ledge and finding room’s door to the hallway shut, Charley had made herself comfortable and taken a nap. Marja had just happened to go upstairs to get something out of a storage closet and was startled to find the cat fast asleep on the bed in her guest room.
It seems that I wasn’t the only one trying to find my way in a new place.
Chuckling to myself as I carried Charley back to our house, I realized that there were lessons for me in the cat’s actions.
When in limbo, take a chance.
Go for the adventure, walk the ledge.
Find the open window and dare to go through it.
And when you’re lost and can’t find your way, curl up and take a breather.
If you’re really lucky, you’ll eventually find your way back to what you were looking for all along. Home.
[Image credit: David Castillo Dominici, portfolio 3062 FreeDigitalPhotos.net]























Wise words indeed. Charley is an inspiration to us all. I’ll add one more tip, inspired by my dog Jeff: sniff around and leave your mark. Okay, that’s two tips — we can learn do much from our four-legged friends!
I know Oli would second that, Maria: sniff well and leave your mark. It definitely a boy dog thing as none of the female dogs I’ve had ever did that, lol! Thanks
My lab, Milo, has developed into an ocean-loving waterbaby since arriving in Oz. He would therefore add: Dive on in and don’t look back; soak it all up and enjoy the experience.
He is a quite perfect example of how to adapt to a new environment by embracing it unreservedly. My own inspiration.
Please thank Milo for his wise words, Russell. As they say ‘come on in, the water’s fine.’ And it generally ends up that way.
This is great! I feel in a bit of limbo at the moment, having just retired – and we may be pulling up roots again… Trying to keep myself on track. Something like a cat can definitely keep you grounded… although I am a dog person myself. I like this comment very much: “In short, my old life was gone but it felt as though I were still waiting for my new life to begin.” Sort of how I feel (but I am actually enjoying it, in many ways, anticipating and about to take that step perhaps sooner rather than later!)
That all sounds wonderful Emma. Like you, the move was a choice, but it still takes time to build the new life. Patience and effort are the keys. Thank you
That one hit very close to home… going to finish weeping. I’ll come back and make a proper comment when I can. Thank you.
Selena
Thank you Selena. It was hard losing her, but she really does remain in our hearts. I’d love to hear your story when you feel up to it.
Our old, well traveled dog Murphy always assumed that the whole world was full of friends waiting to be made, and greeted everyone with a wagging tail. He is responsible for us meeting some of our best friends over three continents and treated everyone from celebrities (we used to walk in London’s Holland Park) to the homeless with the same unbridled enthusiasm. Ironic that our best cultural orientation training should come from an abandoned mutt!
Ironic, or perhaps just fitting, Rachel. So wonderful how pets can open the way to meeting new people. I’ve certainly met a lot of people while walking the 3 dogs we’ve had over the years. Murphy sounds like a keeper indeed.
Good observation! It sometimes appears we hit the ground running in a new location. There’s so much to learn and understand, but while we’re cramming as much new info into our brains as we can in an effort to fit all the pieces into the puzzle and form a complete view, we ARE in a kind of limbo. From the outside it must look as though we’re “living life to the max”, but really we’re waiting for it to fall into a pattern, like the routine we’ve left behind.
We are creatures of habit, after all…
That we are Aisha. We really do tend to be creatures of habit, even if the habits have to shift slightly (sometimes greatly) as a result of where we are. As you say, we’re really waiting for the patterns to emerge. Thank you for that.
Beautiful, well-drawn piece, Linda. Thanks for that.
Kindest, Andrea Cordonier
http://www.habicurious.com
Thanks Andrea, and welkom. I appreciate the kind words. What a fascinating concept for your blog habicurious.com: the intersection of people, housing & communities. Will have to spend some time visiting.
Beautifully written. Thank you for giving my day a smile and a happy sigh.
You’re welcome Pam, and thank you for doing the same on this dreary morning!
Loved this post! Hearing about your initial adjustment process takes me back to what feels like yesterday, when we moved to Thailand. It’s been several years now, but I’m going to remember this advice when the time for our next move comes!
Thanks Heather. I can imagine the adjustment period in Thailand would have been very interesting indeed.
Excellent post. I remember that transition period well; in fact, every once in a while, even though I’ve been in Switzerland for ten years, I feel like I’m right back in that limbo.
Thanks Jennifer. I loved your piece on Seven Year Itch and can definitely relate. Just added Magpie Days to my of Expat Blogs Page.