Recently I introduced Expats A to Z, a new series of posts about the little things that can make a difference in how we approach some of the challenges and experiences of expat life.
I’m talking about those qualities and traits that we can nurture within us to help not only survive, but thrive amid constant change.
You know, the characteristics and features that can help smooth the way.
I started with A is for Acknowledging Differences and then went with F is for Flexibility. Most recently there was K is for Kaleidoscope.
I won’t be writing this series in alphabetical order, because I like mixing things up.
And quite frankly, it’s a whole lot more interesting when you don’t know what’s coming next. More fun for me as well.
I do hope you’ll follow along and share your own thoughts and experiences.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
O is for Open
I’m often asked some really interesting questions about expat life.
I not only do my utmost to answer them, I also take note. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that what one person wants to know is often what others are interested in as well.
And those are also the kinds of things that still others could benefit from if they knew to think to ask about them, too.
I’ve been approached by readers and visitors to this blog who often leave a question in the comments section or contact me behind the scenes. Sometimes folks read one of my articles or guest posts elsewhere and drop me a line via email.
I’ve been approached on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and Google+, and had several people come to me by way of typing in ‘expat life’ or ‘moving to the Netherlands’ or similar phrases in Google or another search engine.
Occasionally I’ll get questions like ‘where can I get a 3-bedroom apartment for X amount per month?’ or ‘how many converters/adapters will I need?’. That’s when I gently redirect to expat information websites.
But often the questions tend to be along the lines of:
What’s the most important trait necessary to be a successful expat?
What one thing can I do to ensure my family has a good expat experience?
How can I have a great/fulfilling/exciting time while living abroad?
What’s the secret to building a life overseas?
What three things can I do to make the adjustment to expat life easier/smoother?
What’s the single biggest thing I should know as an aspiring or soon-to-be expat?
Each of these questions falls into the category of what I refer to as a ‘go with your gut’ query. There’s no one right answer as we’ve all had different experiences.
It’s akin to posing that infamous early 17th century toughie ‘how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?’
Ask a dozen people any of those questions on expat life and you’ll get seventeen answers. Yes, I realize the math doesn’t match, but then again, few people can limit themselves to just one response.
That’s because there are so many nuggets of wisdom and bits of info that we’ve gathered along the way.
We want to share them, but not because we think we know everything. That’s a laughable thought, really.
If nothing else, living in a different country/culture teaches us that we can’t possibly know everything that will come our way. Just when we think we’ve got a handle on some aspect of living abroad, we may encounter something unexpected. Perhaps even get blind-sided.
Sometimes it’s a wonderful new perspective we hadn’t thought of. Other times, it may be a bracing dash of cold water on dreams and illusions.
We learn that we’ll always be learning something new or different or unusual, to make life easier or better or more interesting, and hopefully make us more thoughtful, respectful and a tad wiser.
The truth is that we learn by trial and error, by experience, by researching answers and asking questions ourselves. Sometimes we experience it first-hand; other times we witness it with others, learn about it in a conversation or read about it from someone else who’s been through it.
We share because in doing so we are connecting with others, imparting hard won knowledge, excitement, even the occasionally necessary warning.
We encourage, extol, marvel and shake our heads.
We offer what we know about the good, the not so good and the just plain odd 😉
Even the horrible, the painful and the bittersweet.
So in answering these questions, I’m going to go with my gut. You know, the answer you’d give your best friend or family member if you only had 30 seconds to reply and couldn’t take it back or add a single word.
If you take all you’ve learned and distill it down to one sentence, what would that be? What matters most?
In my humblest of humble opinions, the single biggest thing you can do is this: be open.
Open-minded. Open-hearted. Open eyes, open arms.
Open to the new, the different, the difficult, the mundane, the wondrous.
With the big and the small and everything in between.
Forever and always, and then some.
[Image credit: Vlado, portfolio 1836, freedigitalphotos.net]
I whole-heartedly agree. Whatever happens when you become an expat, there’s one certainty: you’re going to have your mind broadened – you can chose the easy way, or the hard way!
Now you know some people like to choose the hard way, or at least it seems like that 😉
As usual, great writing and great advice! I think being open is one of the expat characteristics that I struggle with the most. There are just days where I just want things to feel simple, or whatever my version of normal is, but it isn’t. It can’t be. I’m a foreigner. So then I have to start over and tell myself, “Today was overwhelming. Today was annoying. But tomorrow this will be funny.” Anyway, thanks for the expat camaraderie. I always appreciate it.
Thank YOU Marina for acknnowledgeing the expat camaraderie. As you said, some days it’s a stretch but hopefully you can laugh sooner rather than later. Daughter told me something funny today and I said, ‘See? If we hadn’t moved overseas you never would have experienced X and Y” (two funny stories that I am not at liberty to share – darn!)
Openess is, perhaps, the greatest tool in the expat survival toolbox. Sadly, it’s sometimes left at check in!
I hear you, Jack. But when you run into folks who need an ‘openess check,’ it serves as a good reminder to relax and appreciate the culture, humor, situation.
Yes, I absolutely agree. This is a very big one. My husband and I had different psychological experiences when we first landed on this island: because my husband had lived here before and was a Jamaican, he had some pre-conceived ideas about how things should be (or how things WERE, as it turned out) and got a rather rude awakening when things didn’t seem that way after all. As a complete foreigner and only having visited Jamaica on holiday, I forced myself to keep an open mind. I actually found the transition easier than my husband, who could not help comparing his experience to what he had expected, and what he had experienced before….
I can see how that would be especially jarring for your husband, Emma. In the end we all have to admit that life changes for everyone, whether we’re here, there, home, abroad or wherever.
I am so with you on this one. Openness is hugely important, and not just for expats, either. As someone who isn’t naturally endowed with this trait, I can tell you that it’s possible to increase your openness — it’s just a matter of catching that automatic “no” before it has a chance to fully form in your mind. Even deciding to take a different route home or try an unfamiliar fruit at the market can prime the brain to be more open to new ideas and experiences. And once you’ve become open to openness, a whole new world opens up for you. Looking forward to the next letter in this excellent alphabetic series!
Love that you caught yourself and then pushed the envelope to broaden your experience Maria. As for the next letter, hmmmm…
Be open. My new mantra. So simple you wonder why it’s not sung from the hill tops, why it’s not flashing in neon. It’s the best advice not just for expats but for living. Living your best.
Thanks for the light bulb!
Even if we have to smile while gritting our teeth, we’ll be muttering ‘be open’ under our breath!
Our worlds temporarily crossed paths as I also recently posted about the top tips we, as expats, can offer others for achieving a successful expat life. Interestingly, being open or keeping an open mind keeps coming up so you’re spot on with this post, Linda. I’ve unfortunately seen people who ‘think’ they’re open to a new environment when, in reality, they’ve brought previous opinions and outlooks on life with them. They ultimately return home which is a shame.
I did see and enjoy your post Russell, and thought you captured the key points that will serve expats of all stripes (newbies, old hands, aspiring) well.