It’s been almost three weeks to the day since my last post.
Believe me, I know. It’s been weighing on my mind.
Not in an ‘oh cr@p, I have to post something on that d@mn blog’ sort of way, because this blog has never been like that for me.
It is a labor of love, perhaps sometimes with more emphasis on the latter, other times the former. But it has never, ever been a drag on my life or a chore to post.
I’ve just been out there dealing with real world problems and situations that impacted my time and ability to conceive, write and post on this blog. They’ve affected my time, ability, sometimes even my interest in, or otherwise interfered with writing non-blog things as well.
After I posted last, I was running around helping get Daughter ready for a nine-day school service trip to Thailand over her autumn break. She’d gone last year, fallen in love with the country and working with the children of Burmese refugees, and saved up babysitting funds for a return trip.
The morning after she left for Thailand, I jumped on a plane to go back to the US to visit my parents. I’m never quite sure when I’ll be able to visit again, so I decided to go while I could.
It was a quick trip in that I was only there one week. That may not seem like a short trip – or maybe it’s just because I’m getting older – but I don’t bounce back quite as quickly from jet lag as I used to.
While there, my priority was spending time with my parents and Son who was visiting on his own four-day university autumn break. I did do a little writing, including starting some drafts of blog posts, but my parents don’t have wifi and the set-up they do have is so archaic that it takes forever to get internet connection, and even longer to do them once online.
I know what you’re thinking and no, it’s not worth it to arrange for wifi for them. Or at least not at this point. They only barely grasp using email and Skype, and any change to their established routine will only result in unnecessary angst, chaos and confusion.
Don’t even get me started on the pervasive lack of wifi at local restaurants: I’ve learned the hard way that the internet police at the Panera Bread cafe near them severely limit usage hours during the only part of midday when I could have snuck away (their nap time) to try to get anything done.
No local Starbucks, either.
Seriously, how strip mall/rural do you have to be in the United States to not rate a Starbucks within reasonable driving distance?
Throw into the mix the fact that I’m taking two writing courses, and my attention to blog posts took a further hit. Now you might be asking why I’d sign up for two courses at the same time, and you would be a wise person to do so.
Short answer? One’s local in the Netherlands, taught by my mentor Jo Parfitt, and I wasn’t sure when she’d be offering it again. The other’s online, taught by a favorite American author/writer/blogger of mine; I wanted to take this course now because it’s helping me prepare for some things I want to do in 4-6 months.
Different writing courses, different writing instructors with different specialities and perspectives, different writing foci (for me), same limited schedule. Unless someone has figured out how to get more than 168 hours in a week, I’m left with making the tough calls and shoehorning in whatever I can, when I can.
The reason I share all of this with you is not for sympathy. You’ve all got busy lives with your own litany of must-do’s that are claiming your precious time. I share this because I’ve been asked by a few people whether I’ve stopped blogging for good.
‘It’s only been three weeks, people,’ I think to myself. ‘I’ve checked in on any number of blogs now and then, and found them on temporary hiatus and didn’t automatically assume they were defunct…’
They ask it as if that’s a bad thing, something which would make them unhappy, so I take it they like what I’m doing and want me to continue. Which is very kind of them. I’m flattered. Or they just want me to continue blogging because it makes me happy. Which is also kind.
Whatever the reason for their inquiries, I did not get the sense they were encouraging me to stop. Which is kinder still.
I’ve also been contacted by sweet people asking if I’m okay. Yes, but life is rather challenging right now, and some days are better than others. Visiting my parents was equal parts wonderful, bittersweet and frustrating as he!!.
Believe me, I’m sure my presence contributed a bit to the latter, but I’ve also come to a stark realization: no two ways about it, the intersection of advanced aging and illness sucks.
(If you know me, you know that I can’t stand that word, but it is truthfully the most accurate one I can find in this situation.)
Dealing with my father’s terminal cancer is difficult. He’s started receiving mild chemo treatments to ease (not reverse) things and they’ll scan him in two months to reassess, but for now the prognosis is under a year, possibly under half a year remaining.
It’s hard on him, my mother, my siblings and me, the rest of the family and all of my parents’ friends. But it dawned on me on the flight home that it is actually some of the more challenging symptoms of advanced aging that have tended toward making it all harder still.
We’re also dealing with other family members who are ill, including some particularly challenging developments, things we’ll continue monitoring and dealing with in the days and months ahead.
To add a truly American ‘and then the dog ate my homework’ quality to it all, my dog does have a cancerous tumor on his flank.
In the past three weeks, I’ve taken poor Oli to appointments with the veteranarian for a biopsy, and an ultrasound. Today was the surgery.
He can’t walk for a few days, needs to be carried everywhere and for everything. He’s even wearing large, snap-at-the-crotch ’onesies’ to prevent him from picking at the stitches. It’s like having a baby in the house.
We’ll find out next week whether we can rest easy or are in for more decisions on unpleasant courses of action.
Let’s just say that I’ve been practicing many of the suggestions and tips for maintaining emotional resilience in turbulent times included in my book. The one about which still more people have inquired.
It’s coming along, slower than I’d like, but I am making progress. I wish it were faster, but when I think about the other things going on, I am comfortable in the knowledge that I’m doing the best I can. And that’s good enough for me.
So in the end, it’s pretty simple. Just because you don’t see the results doesn’t mean I’m not writing. And even when I’m not writing, it doesn’t mean I’m not turning things over in my mind, plotting and planning, getting creative in different ways.
You didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?
The world and everything in life just seems to speed up in direct proportion to the length of our existence, doesn’t it? I remember how, as a child, the five minutes before children’s television started seemed interminable and the summer holidays seemed to go on forever!
It all seems very unfair! As adults we have more responsibilities, more commitments; surely we should have that limitless perspective – God knows we need it! But that’s it isn’t it? That word… “perspective” – so innocent and kinda smug looking, like its tapping its foot, one eyebrow arched, just watching the holy show we make of trying to fit everything in.
I’m trying to get my perspective back. I’m taking lessons from my kids: getting lost in the moment, not giving a thought to what’s next or what happened before, allowing myself what makes me happy – small changes that I can’t always do, but that leave me feeling more… human.
Hang in there. Hang onto your perspective. We miss your wry expat observations, but we’re learning so much about balance and resilience from you right now, and those are qualities we’ll all have to call upon at some point in life. Don’t worry about blogging to schedule – we’ll take it as it comes, and thank you for letting us join you as you navigate this difficult intersection.
Awww, you’re going to make me cry now Aisha, thank you. I’m with you on living in the moment as children do. It’s our only time on this earth (well, unless you believe in reincarnation) and if we miss it, we miss it. I’m practicing mindfulness in a big way these days.
Thanks for the update – sounds like you most definitely have your plate full right now. That’s undoubtedly the worst aspect of being an expat – the way distance makes everything more complex. We never lived close to our parents at home, so we weren’t used to being able to see them regularly anyway, but a 7,000 mile distance makes everything so much harder. I can’t even imagine how challenging things must be with parents who aren’t online – Skype and FaceBook are lifelines for us.
I hope you get some encouraging news about your dog. We’ve had 3 dogs in 21 years of marriage and went through similar scenarios with the first 2. (The 3rd is presently with my cousin in Canada and still relatively youngish and healthy.)
I have you in my google reader, so I’m secure in the knowledge that you’ll pop up (like you did today – hurrah!) when you post again. I think most blog writers feel a certain amount of guilt when they don’t post regularly, but I also think those of us who are bloggers ourselves (especially expat ones!) understand that life sometimes has to take precedence over blogging.
As all of my German colleagues say to me when I rush, apologizing, into meetings/classes/programs/everything frantic and late: “Alles in Ruhe.” – the sense of which is, ‘take your time,’ but literally translated means: “Everything in peace/quiet.”
Alles in Ruhe.
How kind, Ms Caroline, I appreciate your good thoughts and sentiments for Oli. (He’s napping now or I’d share them with him.) It is difficult when we are far away from our family members during challenging times, so I truly appreciate what my siblings do to help keep things on track. I like the German saying, I think in Dutch it would be ‘Alles in rustig’. Sounds like my new mantra, thank you.
I think we just all miss you Linda. And there’s time enough for everything with a little maneuvering…we will just have to be patient and send you good/happy thoughts…
Thank you so much Kym, I’m grateful for great fellow bloggers as yourself who send such thoughts. Much appreciated.
You’ve got a full plate and life just gets in the way. It happens.
Yes it does, Jack, ‘full-plate syndrome’ can happen anytime, anywhere, to anyone. I didn’t feel overly guilty in not being able to post, and of course a nice break is always good. But I actually missed it (like another person), catching myself thinking ‘oh, I can’t wait to share this’ or ‘now that’s something people might enjoy’.
We’ve missed you but totally understand! Life does get in the way doesn’t it
Yes it does, often for the best (sometimes for the not-so-good), Amanda. Thanks for your kindness.
Ditto to all of the comments above. You have been missed. Probably more so because you’re such a prolific blogger when you’re able to be.
One tip I read the other day is that some bloggers write a bunch of posts when they have the time (and can see something coming up in the future that might take them away from their blogging) and then line up and schedule the posts for when they’re away or absent. I’ve not tried it myself but it might be a useful option, allowing you to focus on other things like family and the creative fiction writing without the fear of neglecting your readers?
But I know how you feel. Life has become very chaotic in our household and I plan to post on it in a few week’s time once little Baby Ward has arrived. Completely non-baby related and health-associated things have continued to cascade down upon us and it’s been almost surreal. It will make for a very interesting piece. All this to say, I totally know where you’re coming from, keep doing what you need to do, and we’ll sit patiently, twiddle our thumbs, hum a tune to ourselves, gaze out the window, chew our nails, pick at dry skin, and contemplate your grand return. Keep up the resilience friend…
Thanks Russell, I appreciate everything, and hope things resolve themselves and quiet down before the blessed arrival. I do keep a running list of topics I wish to blog about, and set up draft posts with working titles and a little description, an article link, etc. to remind myself of my thoughts and approach. Every week I peruse the list and see what strikes my fancy, or I go with what’s foremost in my mind. I’ve got several posts that are in the works and can’t wait to share them soon. I’ve only been able to ‘write ahead’ a few posts a couple times over the past two years (both times while preparing to be away for a period of time); it’s great in theory and I’d love to get back to doing that. The simple truth is that while I do work on blog-related writing every other day for at least a little bit, I’m just busy dealing with life stuff and a few other writing projects. Writer’s block? Thankfully, no. I’m practicing my resilience enhancers big time!